Contributing
Detective Robert R. Surgenor

Another parenting practice that has come under attack in recent years is the parent's responsibility to keep their children from outside influences that could be harmful to the child. Many "experts" tell us that we can't pick our children's friends. I beg to differ. I have found that aside from the influences from mom and dad, there is no other force as strong as peer fear. Usually referred to as "peer pressure," the influences of friends can cause a child to abandon the very morals and teachings he or she has held dear for many years. I have seen teenagers who were raised in a healthy environment find themselves addicted to drugs, involved in crime, and wallowing in sexual activity. The motivating factor is a friend they wanted to please. I believe one of the responsibilities included in the rod and reproof, is the need to monitor and control your children's association with friends.

We are instructed by God to do so. In Proverbs 1:10, we read "My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not." The word "entice" is translated from the Hebrew word "pathah" pronounced "paw-thaw." This word gives the idea of one who is enticed or deceived. The word also means to persuade or to flatter. Most children who are led astray by friends do so because they are convinced that what they are doing is "cool." They are deceived by friends to become involved in improper behavior with flattery. In verse fifteen, the father further exhorts "My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path." This is not a parent asking the son to break off a relationship, this is an order.

Proverbs 19:27 tells us that even though the parent has been diligent in their instruction, outside influences can cloud one's reasoning. The father instructs his son by saying, "Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge." The parent has already instilled the proper information in the child. Here the parent is taking control and ordering the child to "cease" listening to information that would cause him or her to "err." The Hebrew word for err is "shagah," pronounced "shaw-gaw." It means to "cause to go astray," or to "sin through ignorance." It also means to be deceived or to "be intoxicated and err in drunkenness." This meaning would cover a child being drawn into substance abuse, including alcoholism and drug addiction.

Proverbs 29:9 tells us "If a wise man contendeth with a foolish man, whether he rage or laugh, there is no rest." Parents who allow their children to associate with "foolish" friends will begin to experience a "foolish" child. The Hebrew word for "rest" is "Nachath," pronounced "nakh'-ath." It means "quietness," or a "quiet attitude." How many times has a parent started to deal with a child talking back because the child observes his friends talking back to their parents? Proverbs 28:7 states "Whoso keepeth the law is a wise son: but he that is a companion of riotous men shameth his father." It is without any doubt that God's word instructs the parent to control the influences in the child's life. In other words, whenever possible, pick your child's friends!

On the job as a police officer, I encouraged hundreds of parents to take part in choosing their children's friends. If you discovered that your daughter was associating with a known drug dealer, would you put your foot down? I certainly hope you would. If my son brought a friend home who used profanity in every sentence, I would be quick to tell my son that he was not allowed to hang around with Gary Gutter Mouth anymore! Why? Because I realize that my children's friends have an influence on how my child acts. The child who hangs around with Gary Gutter Mouth eventually starts to talk like Gary Gutter Mouth.

Many parents don't realize that they have the authority to prevent their child's association with unsavory characters. Ohio law even gives the parent the right to criminally charge someone who continues to associate with their child after being told to cease and desist.

Section 2151.022 of the Ohio Revised Code defines an "Unruly Child" as "Any child who does not submit to the reasonable control of the child's parents." What this means is that a child who does not obey his parents is committing a crime. In fact, charges can be brought against a child in Juvenile Court who is unwilling to follow his parent's instructions.

Section 2919.24 of the Ohio Revised Code addresses those individuals who help or assist a child in disobeying his parents. The section is titled "Contributing to unruliness or delinquency of a child." In subsection (A) it states "No person... shall do any of the following: (1) Aid, abet, induce, cause, encourage, or contribute to a child.... becoming an unruly child." What this means is that any person who encourages a child to disobey his parents is also guilty of a crime.

If a parent wants to terminate a relationship that their child is having with another person, I would suggest the following action. First, advise your child that you do not want your child associating with Gary Gutter Mouth any longer. At that point, if your child continues to associate with the master of profanity, he is now an Unruly Child, since he is disobeying your order. Send a certified letter to Gary Gutter Mouth (or if GGM is a juvenile, to his parents) stating that he is now prohibited from associating with your child. The signed registered receipt is your proof that the letter was received. Once Gary Gutter Mouth or his parents are put on notice, if he continues to associate with your child, he is helping your child disobey you. You can then sign a complaint against him for a violation of Section 2919.24 of the Ohio revised Code. He can be charged with "contributing to the unruliness" of your child.

Family Defense Network of Ohio     Office Box 26348, Cleveland, Ohio 44126     (800) 438-8277     info@fdno.org

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